Dear NBC

Dear NBC,

First of all, I want to say that this is really hard for me. We've been through a lot, you know. I've always considered you to be my favorite network. Remember all those times when I was younger, and I would sneak downstairs past my bedtime to watch SNL on Saturday nights? Or when I would watch Seinfeld with my dad, and both love and hate it at the same time? And remember when I got that black and white TV, and could finally watch Conan in my room past my bedtime. Oh those headphones I used were just ridiculous! For years nothing could tear me away from your Thursday night line-up. Well, during Joey we took a little break. But look at us now! We've got our Thursdays back, and for a while we were better than ever. I even forgave you when you put Leno on at 10pm, because you gave me the best present of all. Conan, my hero, was finally getting his due! You gave him the Tonight Show, and rightfully at that.
Now, I have never found Leno funny, but I understood that some of the masses liked him. I understood that you thought you were appeasing him, and that you thought you were doing something different. But really, what the fuck were you thinking? You knew this was never going to work. Leno's ratings have been declining for years, so what made you think that moving him up to an earlier time, thus eliminating all of your 10pm dramas, dramas like Law and Orders that were actually getting you and your local affiliates some ratings, would actually be a better situation? You never even gave Conan a chance. You led him down a path of destruction, and now it's your job to fix it.
Granted, Conan may be struggling with ratings right now, but that is your fault. Your 10pm lead in is screwing your news affiliates, and since the masses aren't watching the news, they're most likely not going to watch Conan. I don't know if you know this NBC, but not everyone is like me. Not everyone just watches Conan just because. Some people like to watch the Tonight Show because of the celebrity guests that are on it. And why would these people want to watch that twice in one night, especially when the first person sucks so much that they turn the channel and start watching cable instead. At the end of news, you hear, "Stay tuned for the Tonight Show." Many people listen to this order. But if no one is watching the news, then no one is listening. So this leaves you with only Conan faithfuls remembering to watch his show. And apparently that's not enough.
Look NBC, I really don't want to have to do this. You know how much I love my Thursday nights. But how do you expect me to continue on like this, when you keep hurting me so much? My heart just can't take it. You leave me no choice. It's Leno or me. Shh, don't you say that, NBC. You know I'll always remember our good times. I love our good times, but you know what you have to do. I'll be waiting.

Hopefully yours,
Mary Catherine